Think I should start by saying sorry for my absence from here lately but my head has been in a bit of a mess. So let’s go back an fill in some of the gaps…
My MDT (multidisciplinary team) were meant to be discussing my biopsy and CT results on Friday 3rd August and I spent the day hoping to get some news, which never came. I spent all day on Friday trying to get through to my macmillan nurse, oncologist, urologist and all of their secretaries to no avail. I waited until 7 that evening before i gave up hope of hearing any news.
I then blogged on Sunday 5th August and said how I was expecting my results the next day and spent the whole day panicking as to what they might say. Monday morning finally came round and I was under strict instructions not to upset any of the secataties by constantly harassing them for answers. I decided to give them untill 11am to ring me but as expected I broke at 10:12 and started trying to get through to the same people as Friday. After about ten minutes of leaving messages, listening to hold music and speaking to secretary secretaries I finally got hold of the oncologists P.A who told me that due to the pathologist going on holiday my results wouldn’t be ready until Friday.
This hit my wife, my family and myself hard. We had spent, what felt like years waiting for the news and due to someone’s annual leave, our lives were put on hold for longer.
Everyday got harder and harder and my head started running away with me more and more. I was also pussuaded to attend the local wound clinic as I had started becoming more mobile. I was still being seen daily by district nurses and then daily at the wound clinic until I was fitted with a negative pressure device, which looks likes a handbag connected to 6ft of tubing eventually ending up in my new belly button. It doesn’t hurt but is very much an inconvenience. Anyone that knows me, knows that I’m a clumsy bastard and I now leave my ‘man bag’ hanging beside my bed, run for a wee and wonder why I get bungee’d back to we’re I started.
Anyway, where was I? See my heads gone again!!!
The good thing from the NHS point of view is I have now freed up a little time for the wonderful district nurses (who I actually miss!!) and now attend my local wound clinic every other day (who are also a lovely bunch of caring individuals).
So Friday eventually came round and at 12:31 I started trying to get through to the people in the know. It took an agonising 15 minutes until I actually got through to someone and it was my Macmillan nurse who said, ‘oh, Mr Laker, I have so good news but let me just double check before I tell you, o.k, I’m amazed and relieved to tell you that it wasn’t cancer, in fact it was a trauma that cause a number of severe clots all in the same place’. This news amazed me, my wife was by my side and as she told me I wrote it all down so Louise could see exactly what I was being told. Lou immediately broke down, grinning from ear and tears streaming off of her beautiful face. My mum and step Dad was also down to be here to support us and there was then a few tears all round. I promptly cracked open a beer and tried taking it all in, after all, I had spent weeks coming to terms with losing a ball, having a nasty infection and having been told that I had cancer.
I had spent weeks trying to remain positive and planning a new start if and when I got the all clear and for days found myself very low. I know I sound very stupid by saying getting the all clear made me depressed but I can only guess it was relief!
One thing I haven’t mentioned during blogging is that through this all, I was meant to have moved house, not just round the corner but 90 miles away to the north Essex coast. I was asked by my GP to stay local until the op was out the way and until I had completed any therapy I may have needed so all of our plans had also been put on hold which also increased the financial pressure on us.
Good news is, today is my third whole day out of bed, I’m still on strong pain killers but our new start happens on Monday so I intend to carry on getting better, to start trying shift some flubber and make the most of our new chapter. I have gone through a crazy time in the last couple of months and am now looking at focusing on the positives of life.
One thing i will say is, considering a little over a year ago we had nearly 100 people come to our wedding, we have really found out who our friends are. Friends and family we thought we were close to have been nowhere to be seen and if the wedding was to happen again most of those who came would never be invited again. But what i can say is that a lot of strangers have help us both more than most of our friends. I truly can’t thank you all enough for your kind messages, support and advice and will do my best to campaign for more awareness of male cancer’s in the future.
On the off chance of anyone reading this and wanting advice on who to go to for support or anyone worth following on twitter, please ask as I have found to many to last individually.